The tale of the tape never lies. It showed Xabier measured time and time again, and found him wanting. That was not the experience he expected once he dared to venture out of the shadows. No one ever does. People are too spoiled on the success stories on big screens to know that the real world is harsh and unforgiving. Xabier felt that first hand as each outing for him was a highlight reel, but one that ultimately ends in failure. He presses rewind once again.
Xabier Belazco sits in his modest apartment in Long Beach watching his homecoming fight again, and again. This one got him a few more pats in the back, but he doesn’t ignore the half frown suggesting pity and encouragement. The hug from his fellow fighter, and girlfriend, Hailey was the most bittersweet. He watches her now playing with their new dog as they enjoyed some welcome downtime after a busy schedule. His face, so used to taking a beating, healed quick. His pride is another story. He remained stoic in the public eye playing up the image of the infallible Black Knight, but now he fought the bitterness down like a tough pill. The static is cut down by Hailey’s laughter.
“Look it wants your attention.”
Her accent is as thick as always when she points at the stray. They had taken it in a few weeks ago. Xabier being so absorbed in watching the tape obviously doesn't notice the dog nudging against him. Hailey looks at him in an intense manner, knowing what was going through his head.
Xabier shuts the laptop closed, and glances at Hailey for a moment before picking up their dog. He tries to act natural as he lets the excited dog nip at his hands. He sits down on the floor in front of her almost dreading the next exchange. If he had learned anything in their time together since she moved in with him a couple of months ago, it was that she was very perceptive. He still tries to steer away from that.
“Did we ever get around to giving it a name?”
“Nope. We always call him Dog. Dog and Kitty.”
She reaches out to pat the dog but her eyes remained on him.
“Will we ever talk about it, Xabier? Or pretend it will just fade?”
“There is nothing to talk about. I train hard, I fight for my life, and I move on. The only difference now is that there are millions of people watching me instead of fifty. It is just the same, right?”
He remembers to smile as he asks her.
“It is the same when you don't forget who you do this for. Yourself. Not the other fighters. Not the company you work for. Do you think it was easy to get over my first match?”
She looks more serious now.
“I was upset. I was doubting my everything. And man was I ashamed. But then something clicked inside of me. I lost a battle. The hell am I losing the war. And neither will you, Xabier.”
He hears her, but he does not listen. His mind is back in the midsts of these battles. Every hit Lux Forte connects on him, and the struggle to just stay up. That miracle opening that Bonanno left for him, only for Xabier to abandon his own sense to take advantage of. Then he thinks back on that moment that Laughlin gets him in the kneebar. It is that calm that he felt that strikes him now. He was lying in his own blood, already over the feeling of panic, and dread that comes with getting caught. He was just full of acceptance that his career was about to be shattered like his leg. Maybe he welcomed it.
He nods while he is deep in his thoughts.
“Yeah…”
Hailey sighs when getting up. She could have exploded on him, but she knew better. Instead she drags herself to the kitchen. She takes a deep breath when starting to brew tea, mumbling in her mother tongue.
Xabier could recognize that tone anywhere. It was the sound of anger that permeated most of his life so he is used to it. These sounds almost never entered this home, so it was now jarring. He gets up with alarm, and cautiously walks up behind Hailey. He leans back on the counter, and watches her work delicately focused despite everything. Finally as she waits for it to heat up, he gets up close behind her.
“But you did so well, belleza.”
She relaxes feeling his presence. No mistake the girl was pissed, but he had a certain effect. She still looks at the kettle when speaking.
“Not without having my ass kicked. But that's beside the point. You can't shut me out. We are in this together, Xabier. So this whole keeping it all locked ain't working.”
This is the part where he clams up. He shuts down to leave the apartment, and take a breather, but now he stayed.
“I know, hey. I know. I’m not shutting you out. I’m just… not putting any more burdens on you than you need. You are going to do great things, and I won’t add to your troubles. We got this, and I will support you.”
“Xabier, shut up. We. This is a matter of we, not you or me. We are together and when something bothers you, I am your support. I know it's new to you but also to me.”
She turns around, rubbing his face.
“I love you, you know?”
There it was. These words always made him pause and want to ask if this was true. He was always passed around, then trained up and used like a guard dog. Now that he was living his own life, the possibilities were astounding. He slowly reaches out and takes her hand momentarily comparing how worn they are from working out.
“I know that too. I’m just now figuring out how to make this happen. You show a lot of promise no matter what you do. I think I do too, but it’s just not coming along… This isn’t manly, huh?”
He feels her gaze on him.
“And I love you! I love you too.”
“I see that very different. Showing feelings is one of the hardest things to do. It makes us vulnerable. So if you ask me this is very manly.”
Hailey still rubs his cheek with her hand.
“It will come together. You got every little bit of talent you need. But sometimes things don't happen overnight. You will struggle. You will fall. But you will get back up and eventually overcome those demons that hold you down.”
Xabier nods and places his forehead against hers, and they spend a moment like this before they laugh.
“You are right. I’m used to taking things on my own, but now that I’m out here taking on the world, I might just need some help. I got the team and I got you, right? I’ll focus on keeping this in mind when I am down. Just promise me you won’t forget me when you make it big.”
He smiles and laughs a little.
“Jesus, I am not even half a star. I am not popular. But I give it my best. One day we will sit on a porch with our bruised and old bodies and look into the horizon. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Xabier leans back, and pets their cat watching them from the top of their refrigerator.