The Most Bigger Fight

Well... It happened. Cal McCluskey put together an unthinkable tournament run, defeating Robert Guilliman in a controversial bout and putting on a Performance of the Night against Donnie Calabrese. Cal entered the UGP Openweight Championship Tournament with one win on his record. He was widely considered to be a joke. Now after going through two of the best Real Killas MMA has to offer, Cal takes on the boss himself in a rematch from the recent G2 yaMMAshi World Fight League – Night 2. That's right. We followed this moron all the way to the Union Grand Prix Openweight Championship Tournament Final. “I'm gonna kill his [Daniel Fisk Jr.'s] fuckin' bitch ass in Shitcago,” Cal said while getting his fists wrapped at the Atomik Combat Club – the gym in Osaka, Japan that picked him up after his win over Calabrese. While that meant Cal no longer had to train in his garage, that wasn't enough to prevent him from losing his first three fights in the World Fight League. One of those losses was at the hands – or, shall I say the foot – of Fisk, who smashed his face with a knockout stomp to retain the G2 Grand Championship in Fukuoka. “This is the biggest fuckin' fight of my life 'n' shit. I already lost the first biggest to him in Fuck-you-oka but this is like, the fuckin' rematch. So it's like, the most bigger fight or some shit. The biggerest or some shit. I don't fuckin' know, okay? Fuck. I just wanna get that fuckin' belt 'round my waist 'n' make him suck my dick. Fuck Daniel Fisk.” Cal's loss to Fisk caused him to lash out at his new agent Yozo Shinobu; the original K-Squad Punk and music promoter who founded Atomik out of nothing but love for violence. Cal has a history of falling out with gyms – something Shinobu was aware of when inviting the Michigan native to Osaka. It seemed like Cal already quit Atomik, but had to stay in Japan for the World Fight League. Unfamiliar with the Japanese language, or even English as his first language, Cal wandered around Japan as a lost man with nowhere to stay. Then he finally returned to the Atomik gym a few days later. “I had to take a fuckin' shit,” Cal said with a straight face. “I got full on some fuckin' KFC somewhere 'round here 'n' I was tryin' to find a place to shit. Thought about, like, doin' it in a alley or some shit but this kid was followin' me. I don't speak no Japanese or some shit, so I'm like, tellin' him to fuck off in American but he don't get it. But I gotta shit. But I ain't pullin' my pants down in front of no kids. Nah uh. You deserve to get your fuckin' ass kicked if you do that.” Cal hocked a loogie to his left, almost without pause. “So I come by this fuckin' gym. It's the only building close by I know. So I go in here. Yozo is like 'blah blah blah.' I say, 'Get the fuck outta my way, pussy. I'm dyin' for a fuckin' shit.' So I take a shit. Was a real nice, big ass shit. Felt good. I got on my fuckin' phone, jerked off to some titties. I wash up 'cuz the Jap toilets shoot shit up your ass 'n' it sucks kinda, but it's kinda nice too 'n' you can wash your dick 'n' shit so it don't fuckin' smell 'n' shit. But I...” Cal watched Tomo Fujima walk by, checking her out with cartoonish enthusiasm. The local Osaka native didn't pay him any attention. Cal bit his lower lip, mumbling desires under his breath as his right leg started to shake. The trainers scolded in a mix of English and Japanese for him to look away from her. Cal needed a moment to snap out of it. “I, uh... Uh... So I come out. Yozo's still standin' there. I'm like, 'Fuck you lookin' at, bitch?' He goes, 'I bet you can't lift them weights over there.' I said I bet I can. I fuckin' did. Then he's like, 'Yeah, well, bet ya can't lift them weights.' He kept sayin' that but I kept fuckin' liftin' 'em all. I been back here since. Took me a few days to figure out he been trickin' me to come back to work out 'n' shit, but, like, there's some hot as fuck bitches at this gym. I guess it ain't so bad. I still ain't fuck one of 'em yet, but I'm gonna when I got the fuckin' UGP Openweight Championship. I'm gonna fuck every one of 'em. Like how I fucked Dan's mom.” Cal almost lives a rock star lifestyle in Osaka. Gone are the days of jogging through Warren and receiving verbal abuse along his route. As a 6'3” 235 pound Caucasian male, Cal towers over most Japanese people and draws curious looks everywhere. He thinks all the men want to fight him and all the women want to fuck him. It's mostly simple fascination over the gaijin with sideburns and an array of colorful button-up shirts. A personal translator and guide has been hired by Atomik to follow him in public, helping Cal navigate Japanese life and stay out of trouble. On this day, the translator helped a young couple in Dotonbori procure autographs from Cal without trouble. “I fuckin' love it here,” Cal said after the interaction. There was a moment of contemplation by the Dotonbori Canal, the sun reflecting off the water behind him. “I love Asian food. I love fuckin' tight Asian pussy. Wish more spoke American good but it's, like, different shit. Ya know? I been losin' my World Fight League bouts but, like, I don't know. I had to, like, ya know, think 'bout it or some shit. It's kinda the new start I wanted to get after winnin' some big ass fights. I didn't get it after beatin' Lil' Robert, but I kicked Donna's bitch ass 'n' I finally got the fuck outta Warren.” Cal's content demeanor didn't last long. “But you wanna know what I hate 'bout Japan? All this Real Killas shit. It's a popular gym here 'cuz of the Hanako [Takeuchi] bitch. I see all their shirts at the G2 shows. There's a lotta respect for 'em at the Atomik gym. Yozo loves 'em. Me? Fuck 'em. I beat two of theirs to get to the Openweight final. I'm gonna get payback on Fisk for what he did to me in Fuck-you-oka. I'm gonna beat his fuckin' ass so bad in Shitcago. They're gonna feel that shit here in Japan. They ain't gonna wear the Killas shirts anymore. They ain't gonna love Fisk anymore. No. They're all gonna love me. All the Asian women are gonna be on my dick when I got the belt 'round my waist.”

Cal paused to gather his thoughts. “I said my new life starts when Calabrese's life ends. Look where I am now. I don't wanna lose this shit. I don't wanna go back to livin' with my fuckin' dad in Warren, trainin' in my fuckin' garage. Some of you young pussies be all like, 'I waited my whole life for this shit' or whatever. Me? I'm 45-fuckin'-years-old. I really waited my whole fuckin' life. I'm gonna fight to keep this. I'm fightin' to have more than this. I want my fuckin' face on the billboards 'round here 'n' shit. And beatin' a guy like Fisk? That shit goes a long way.” A rare shred of respect escaped Cal's voice. “A lotta guys been hit by Fisk. One hit, they go down. I know how it feels. Shit sucks, but I ain't scared of it. I'm still alive. I'm still comin' to Shitcago for a fight. And this is the first time ya'll gonna see me in a rematch. I'm gonna show ya somethin' ya'll ain't never seen from me yet – the kinda fight I got. The fuckin' heart I got. The shit that ya can't measure with win/loss records you nerds talk 'bout on the internet.”

Cal spit to his left, squaring up to the camera with clenched fists.

“Many guys talk shit to me. 'I KO'd you.' Yeah, but fuckin' do it again, bitch. You ain't gonna. Not even Daniel Fisk is gonna do it to me again. You can beat me once but that's all you get. Ya'll gonna learn at UGP 25 and Dan's gonna get the hardest lesson of all – as hard as my dick when I fuck his ass with the belt 'round my waist on April 4th in Shitcago on the Battleground Network. Then you're gonna know why – even after all this time 'n' losses 'n' shit – why I still say and know I'm the best fuckin' fighter on this planet.” The impossible dream still lives.